Its been a week now since my return to Norway from West Chester, PA, and I have to admit that I am still a little sad. I guess this is what withdrawal feels like? I have been in the states for 10 months straight and it has been amazing! I cant even being to explain how much I have learned not only about living with other people and making friends with all sorts of background, but I have also learned a LOT about myself.
I have to admit that I have not always been kind. Growing up, I was a very mean child. I was mean to friends and even to my own family. But when I moved to Norway at the age of 13, I got a little taste of karma. For three years straight, I experienced bullying and racism. Long story short, after apologize to as many people I could get a hold of on Facebook, I promised myself to always be kind to others and to be considerate of others.
Only problem is that my guilt made me think its okay for people to take advantage of my kindness, which is NEVER okay. What I am trying to say is that I have finally mastered how to stand up for myself and not be a pushover while still being kind and considerate. It took me all these years but I finally realized that no one is going to respect me if I don’t respect myself. No one is going to know how I feel if I don’t speak up. And as selfish as this might sound, I have stopped being a people pleaser and am now working on myself.
Speaking of working on myself, I have always been confident in myself. I have never doubted myself as far as beauty is concerned, or at least thats what I thought. So on the 13th of February (two days before my 21st birthday), I went ahead and chopped my hair. I got a pixie cut with long side bangs and I loved it the first couple of days. About a week after I chopped off my hair, I felt really depressed. I missed my long curly hair terrible and the reaction that my friends and the people around had didn’t exactly help.
I hated myself for being such an impulsive person and hated my new look that I faked to love. Thats when it hit me that I am not that confident after all. I have been lying to myself all these years, pretending to be someone I am not! I was hiding behind my long hair pretending to be overly confident when really I knew nothing about myself besides the compliments I would get from people about my long curly hair.
As soon as I realized this, I made up my mind to work on myself and how I perceive myself. Its now been three months and I am happy that I chopped my hair. I am happy because chopping my hair off has been a reality check for me. It was forced me to see myself for who I really am, which is not someone I am proud of. I have now started on a new journey that I am pleased to share with the world. I am going natural! No more relaxers! I am going to redefine myself and this is the best time to do so – when I am the most vulnerable I have ever felt my whole entire life.